Rothko

Things are really picking up here at Mr. Sunshine. Indeed I have been encouraged to author a new post by my one and only commenter, KB. Well, you’re in luck lady, ’cause I’ve got a few things to say. 

To start, I’ve been thinking about art, as usual. I’ve always thought about Rothko’s distaste for how the wealthy bought art. He didn’t like that his work was being collected because it became the fashionable thing to do for folks with extra money. He’d be real disappointed in that episode of Mad Men where the big boss hung a Rothko in his office because someone advised him this was the latest thing in art and everyone, including him, kind of grimaced when they saw it and didn’t really get it. He basically bought it because it was expensive and trendy, but that’s why a lot of people collect art. Rothko wasn’t real happy with his new-found fame and had a few other major problems so one day he killed himself. Whether you like Rothko’s work or not you have to admit he was genuine. He wasn’t a poser who was after fame and money. He never really thought about either, it just happened as a byproduct of his dedication and work. Francis Bacon said he didn’t get Rothko’s stuff because he saw the Rothko Chapel and thought it was really depressing sitting in front of those big paintings with the dark colors. That was his thing though, he was painting a feeling and sadness was a big part of the later years. I’m not an expert though. I’m not even the biggest Rothko fan but I’m always drawn to the genuine artists, the ones who end up making the biggest splash without really having that as their goal. I think he really was pushing himself to the edge to find what he thought was art. Part of that struggle is dealing with critics and seeing your work become trendy. Once it’s popular it isn’t taken serious anymore. After Hemmingway had success with The Sun Also Rises he would go to places where wealthy folks gathered and give readings. He didn’t care for that. Didn’t think it was a great reward for all his work. Later, as Dennis Miller put it, he “speckled his ceiling with his cerebellum”. These people who were so dedicated often get depressed when they see what the world does with their work. I think a real artist is genuinely interested in doing a good thing for the world. Offering them art. But then the world uses their work to sell things or attaches it to ideas they weren’t a part of and it kills them.

But once again, what’s my point? I’m always struggling with the point of art. Rothko said, “I’m interested only in expressing basic human emotions: tragedy, ecstasy, doom, and so on.” I like that. I like the idea of painting one thing for the purpose of expressing something else. Its more evolved than the way most work is approached. We tend to think we’ve made lots of progress in technology but we never add the problems created along the way into the equation. We love the invention of the car but “Lord, Mr. Ford, what have ya done?” Every year around 44,000 people die prematurely due to the horseless carriage. We can get places faster but this just made us place things like stores and hospitals farther apart. Looking at the big picture, with traffic and wars over oil and so on, the automobile hasn’t made the big improvement we think it has. Sure, I’ve cruised down the PCH on a beautiful summer day and marveled at how great life is, but I’ve also spent countless hours in traffic trying to get to work and being miserable and angry on daily basis. How did I get on this tangent? The point is Rothko wanted to make art for the reasons he thought art should be made, to express basic human emotions. Instead of doing what had been done in the past, painting religious scenes or moody portraits, he found his own path. I can’t explain why I painted the things I’ve painted but it’s something along the lines of what Rothko was talking about. Basic, raw human emotions, but not from any kind of scenes or faces painted doing the emotion I’m trying to convey. Something that comes about by accident that you can’t explain or duplicate on every canvas. That’s why most of my paintings have failed. I’m trying to do more than paint a realistic figure and put together pretty color schemes. Hopefully if I ever do get to the point where I’m knocking them out of the park every time I won’t become rich and famous. I’d be horrified. I wouldn’t kill myself but I’d probably end up a recluse afraid to leave the studio. 

PDX

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here. My daily page views are down to zero. Nowhere to go but up. So let me throw out the latest news from Portland. I’ve started my job, and almost finished my first painting, which I’ll post soon. Work is ok. Newspapers and all offices are pretty much the same. The city of Portland is great. Lots of old brick buildings with fading ghost signs. I don’t know anybody here yet though so when KB isn’t visiting I’m on my own.

Yesterday I wandered around town a lot but the highlight of my day was watching the final episodes of Six Feet Under. I’d stopped watching that show for some reason so it was great to get back into it. I like the theme of real death. Anything real is an unexplored genre in tv and movies but writing shows around the theme of ordinary deaths and how people deal with that is interesting. Even when a pet dies your eyes are opened for a while to what is really important in life. When someone dies your world is instantly different in a way that you don’t want. When I lost my lost my last job my world changed but I didn’t want it back. I wanted the change and looked forward to each new day. When my dog died I wanted to turn back time and have him with me. But as the show says, I think, “everyone, everything, everywhere … ends” So that’s a kind of depressing thought but I like how it points out that we shouldn’t be afraid of anything because we’re only here a while. Then, we and all of our people come to an end. There’s much to think about there but mostly it gives me hope. As long as we haven’t come to an end we can still fight everyday. 

So I’ll file this under “Ramblings”. I just wanted to blog today because its Sunday and I’m taking a break from painting and drinking yet another cup of coffee, watching the beautiful people of Portland stroll by. I’ll stop rambling now and throw a random photo or something up with this post.

Portland

First of all, I’m moving to Portland. Here’s a blurry photo of me with my building in the background. It’s in the Pearl District, the Brewery Blocks. Very cool. But moving for the 3rd time in one year is getting old. I’ve been going through my stuff and throwing things out. I’ve sold almost all of my books and threw out piles of old sketches and bad illustrations. This time I’m making deep cuts and realizing how unimportant stuff is. I’m done with the American Dream. I want to live more efficiently and live in a busy city where all my needs are met without me having to possess everything myself. I want to sell my car and use public transportation. I want to sit in a public park instead of my backyard. I want to read books and magazines in the library or Powell’s books instead of keeping my own collection. It’s too much hassle to keep these things around. 

Hopefully soon I’ll be getting back to painting. I’ll have a job and health insurance and less to worry about. Most of the stuff I’m bringing to Portland is art related. My easel and drafting table will make up most of the furniture. After looking over all that old work and throwing most of it out I’m ready to get back to it and not make any of the mistakes of the past. I think this blog was supposed to be about art. I’ll get back to that soon.

 

Another (unfinished) homepage idea

 

So I just finished a weekend of working on my site and I feel like I’ve been training for a marathon. I’m all beat up. I had my ups and downs. It was a nice weekend weather-wise and I did get to walk around in the sun and went for a bike ride, but most of the time I was putting out fire after fire that kept flaming up just as I thought I was nearing a satisfactory finish. I have something up now that is good enough but I’ll use the next two nights before the final class trying to fix some sloppy parts. I feel good that this project is almost over and I can move on to something bigger and better. I’m going to do another site right away because I have some things to build on.  Can’t get lazy now. Next up though I’m moving to Portland. A couple months ago my days were much more laid back, now I’m doing a million things and haven’t had any time to paint. Taking a break is helpful sometimes. It’s been good working on that site and learning new things. 

Once observation I made while working on that site is that I’ve done a ton of illustrations in my day. I put over 60 illustrations on the site and that was just stuff I had readily available on my computer. I have stacks and stacks of illustrations. This is quite an accomplishment because illustration has never been my primary job. Most illustrations are a knockdown drag-out battle just to get through all the editors and art directors and non-creative decision makers. It’s a hard road to travel so I’ve made myself useful in other ways like information graphics and now web design. One day I’m hoping to settle into some sustainable niche in the art world. In the meantime I’ll be in Portland eating Voodoo doughnuts and jogging them off along that river. Right now I’m real tired and ready for sleep. I think all this work is making me boring and loopy so hopefully my next posts will be more exciting.

www.dbadders.com

Unused homepage idea

I’m about to spend the weekend finishing up my website for the Dreamweaver class I’ve been taking. Gary Kelly once said he’d never enter the dark side, referring to using the computer to make his illustrations. He’s old enough and successful enough to say and think such things but most of us don’t have his kind of focus. There was a day when I fought against the digital future but now I’m running to catch up with things. It’s not so bad though, kind of like learning a new language. Once upon a time I lived in Spain for a couple summers and as Spanish became more clear to me I was real excited to be understanding the sounds that used to seem so foreign. Now I’m slowing starting to understand some of the terms nerds have been tossing around all these years. The way I see it, knowledge is power and I’m adding to my toolbox. My primary goal is still to be an artist using traditional materials but artists need to understand the world they’re living in, or at least observe things and try to understand.

Thick paint

 I like thick paint and sharp contrasts. I think a good painting has a good texture and finish. This is a close-up of the Bazooka painting. It’s a basic composition but I used a ton of paint.

Cyrus and a few other things

My thoughtful and sweet ladyfriend got tickets for us to see the movie Cyrus last night. It was a part of the Seattle Intl. Film Festival (SIFF) but it was kind of a big deal. Usually when I think of SIFF I think short lines and small theaters. This movie had some big stars, Marissa Tomei, John C Reilly, Johah Hill… and there was a looong line waiting to get in. I’ve stood in lines for movies many times but it’s never been my idea. Usually if I see a line for something I want to be a part of I change my mind and find something else to do. For movies though I’m usually a part of a group and have to stay. It always seems crazy to me though, to be standing in line for something that there is no shortage of and that will be available for a long time to come. When I see people lined up outside the Mac store to buy the latest gadget I’m amazed. As consumers, we collectively have no patience. When I stand in line for movies with all the overly excited people I wonder how they can be so starved for entertainment. For one thing, movies are often disappointing. Even when the movie gets a bad review in the paper the morning of it’s opening people are still standing in line all abuzz and talking in depth about the film. One level of depth should be what the reviewers are saying. I listen to reviewers and if they tell me to avoid a movie I do it – unless it’s a comedy, in which case I wait until a few of my friends have seen it and recommend it. 

Which leads me to my next mini-rant. I don’t listen to reviews on comedies because reviewers seem to think movies are some intellectually deep topic. They aren’t. They’re cheap, quick entertainment. The makers of movies have to filter the script through all the business-types who tailor it to bring in the biggest audience possible. This removes most depth and leaves very little to talk about after the closing credits. Usually when I go see some movie that reviewers claim has some depth I walk out scratching my head. I just want movies to be entertaining and I’ll leave the depth to work being done by individual writers and artists. 

So, to sum up, I liked Cyrus. Loved the cast. There were a few lines that had me laughing out loud. I didn’t learn anything about life and I didn’t walk away pondering anything. Occasionally I’d remember a funny line and smile. That’s the best a movie can do. But let’s not forget about all the other possibilities for entertainment in our free time. Seattle has no end of options with concerts, art shows, theater… With all the movie options on the internet and cable tv I’m amazed at how crazed people get to see a new movie. If we wanted we could spend every day watching good movies and tv shows. There’s Hulu and Netflix and classic movie channels that play the tried and true movie classics. Instead we line up to see the latest superhero movie that rottentomatoes tells us will suck if we choose to pay and sit through it. Let’s use a few of our dollars to go old school and see some live music with live people interacting with one another. That’s where you’ll find the meaning of life. Listen to Mr. Sunshine and you too can learn to live and be happy.

 This is a new illustration kinda based on Van Gogh’s starry night. It was going to be used on my home page for my new site but I don’t think it will make the cut. I’m learning Dreamweaver and all the exciting coding behind it, and my ambitions to make an awesome page are  being toned down. There’s so much to learn just to line up the squares that make up your composition. I’m now just hoping to make a clean, easy to use site. This site is for the final in class. After that I’ll grow it into something more. I think.

Howling at the walls

I met someone today who said she can’t really say anything on Facebook anymore. She uses it for work so she can’t say anything too personal or controversial. I get that. When you first get on such a site you just have a few close friends and you say kooky little things. Then your relatives friend you, and coworkers and people from the past, and you have to start watching what you say. I do. That’s why now I’m like Bukowski, sitting at the typer, rambling on to nobody. Father MacKenzie, writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear. Don’t worry, I’m not lonely though. On WordPress you can check your blog stats and a couple days ago I had ten views to this fascinating blog. Most days I get between 0 and 4 views, probably mostly my ladyfriend. Hi KB! But let’s just wrap this up. Like most bloggers I don’t have much of a point here – just that social media is turning out to be a place where you don’t want to get too social. Like Bukowski I’ll just type away assuming nobody is listening. If you are, know that I may just be howling at the walls.

March of the Penguins

A Friday night of culture. Jazz Alley, some lady who sounds like Billie Holiday, don’t know her name. She was awesome though. KB is a big fan and she was excited to see her. On the way we walked through my old neighborhood and she squeezed my arm extra tight when we passed a group of crackheads who always sit in front of an empty storefront. At the club we were back in civilization with all the well-dressed jazz fans. This isn’t the jazz of the past with hip cats in suits and fedoras, smoking the marijuana cigarettes. Rather, it looked like mostly older folks with good jobs. Microsoft/Boeing types. Not stylish but not sloppy and cheap. The show was good and I had decided to knock a couple back. I don’t drink much these days but I felt like it was a martini night, Sinatra-style. Why martinis cost $9.50 I have no idea but I like a glass of vodka or gin with nothing else in it, not even Vermouth. Its the most booze one can order in one glass so that’s my drink. Service was horrible and my first round had olives in it which I distinctly asked not to have because they just take up room reserved for booze. He got the second round right and I sipped the icy vodka and watched the drunk girl at a nearby table being a pest to everyone around her. Then the lady at the table next to ours gets up and trips for some reason, drunk or high heeled, and grabs our table sending over half of that delicious glass of vodka all over the table and on my lap. Then she grabs her shoe that fell off and ran away embarrassed. Never came back. Her date asked if our drinks spilled on us, and KB said they did, but he failed to order another round. So after the show I was unable to stumble and trip like all the ladies around us because I was still sober, in spite of a nice bar bill. 

Am I complaining too much? I’m not finished yet. Let Mr. Sunshine creep to the mic… like a phantom. (That’s from a song for those of you who missed the 90s). That lady never came back so I comforted myself with the thought of her being taken away in a meat wagon with a sprained ankle. Walking home on First Ave. we got caught up with all the club kids. Usually they’re all dressed up with the fellas fresh from the barber shop and the ladies fly from the beauty salon but tonight they were all hammered and using the sailor talk and spitting on the sidewalk. In front of us were a pack of gangbangers with the baggy pants. Because the crotch of the pants were at the knees they were all walking like penguins. These tough guys got all dolled up in their dope dungarees and Starter caps, and rolled out on First Ave. ready to impress. What they didn’t know, and I assume still don’t know, is that when they walk using only the bottom half of their legs they have to waddle. When they’re in a group and they’re all waddling they look like those penguins in that movie. Stupid. 

So there it is. Old man Badders, Mr. Sunshine, has purged his venom for tonight. I wish we fellas still dressed like Dean Martin and when our drunk dates get up from the table we offer them an arm to lean on. Out on the street we show good manners and walk with a dignified gait. Simple.